i feel like i sound like an asshole. and shallow.
ive reread what ive posted so far and only my first post feels like anything worthy. i really was speaking then. maybe i wasn’t. i don’t even know what to think anymore. my own thoughts read on paper sound so shallow and stupid. what about the stuff that matters? where is that? i have to try harder and get to that space mentally i assume. could it be my charisma is all gone? do i really sound so annoying in real life? god, what now. even i dont want to hear me. and i feel so phony writing. i sound like a pick me bitch who has no thoughts. i dont even know what i care about anymore.
disgusting.
why am i anything? i want to choke on dirt and infect my lungs. even that sounds like a 5 year old. everything about me is so fucking stupid. any pain is well deserved. fucking useless scum. you offer nothing to this world. everything u dont want to be would be a step up from who you are. delusional and pathetic to think anything else. you will never be great bc you hold nothing inside of you. you are the poser you see in everyone else. you are a total fraud and a waste of life. you are a lie.
a space for me 
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